A post in a forgotten and neglegted blog

What a difference a year can make. Last year at this time was probably one of the worst times in my life. I was still reeling from the recent loss of my Mom in October of 2009. Then, Marion was diagnosed with cervical cancer during the holiday season. It was right after Thanksgiving and directly before Christmas, and at the time I honestly felt as if my entire world was crumbling slowly away.

Things have changed in the past year. Marion went through a very intensive and successful round of chemotherapy and radiation therapy with the wonderful doctors of Cooper University Hospital in Camden, NJ. At her last visit in November, she was told that the tumor (which was quite sizable) can not even be seen at this point. She has minimal scarring from the radiation. Though during the time she was going through the treatments were very dark days, she has rebounded to be a stronger person than before.

There are so many things that have been going on as well. Marion's daughter, Amanda, is now living with us after DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) placed her with us. Basically, she was removed from her father's care by the courts when he was deemed to be unfit (and I'm attempting to put this in the nicest way possible).

Obviously, having a 17 year old living with us after years and years of not having children has been quite a change. There's curfews and worrying about school and battles over who's life it is and all that nonsense that won't matter in five or so years. She's a rather stubborn kid, and she's built up so many defenses after living in horrible conditions for so much of her life. It's a shame it took what it did before the State jumped in and placed her with us. We did go for custody once and were turned down...long story.

But, Amanda is a good kid. Sure, she's missed curfew here and there, and has some weird mood swings, but she's a respectful, loving, good kid. She does exhibit Marion's argument style...which isn't a great thing. They both have a "Shock and Awe" style where they carpet bomb anyone close with various barbs and stealth bomb attacks. It's not really an effective communication style...but, having come from the place she's been, I understand why she has this weird "take no prisoners" style of attack.

See, it's so much easier to give up on yourself and just quit. And, that's what she wants to do. She's had a lifetime's worth of pain and hurt, and I totally get why she just wants to throw in the towel. But, she's worth fighting for. She's worth trying to see that she's worth a damn after being treated like a nothing for most of her life. I want her to succeed. I believe in her and her future.

And, frankly, the few and far between spats that have happened in retrospect weren't all that bad.

Anyway, for the 1st time in a while, I'm looking forward to a new year. Hope you are too.

Behind the Landlord debacle.

If you follow my facebook, you'll know by now that we recently defeated our landlords in an eviction that stemmed from nonpayment of rent. I detailed exactly what how this all came about, but the crux of the issue came about when I realized that our security deposit was mingled with the landlord's money rather than put into an interest bearing account as outlined by NJ law. I sent a certified notice detailing that since I had never received notice as required by law, and that they must us our security deposit as rent (which is allowed by law).

Of course, they didn't agree with my position. Immediately after receiving the letter, I was bombarded with calls threatening our impending eviction. Three days later, one of the landlords said, "You f*** with me, I'm gonna f*** with you." He implored me to seek legal consul because my reasoning was wrong. In no uncertain terms can someone use their security deposit as rent. I countered that when a landlord follows the law, sure, you're right. Unfortunately for you, you failed to follow the law, and this is my recourse. Frankly, I already know that I would never see the security deposit back anyway. I knew these disingenuous folks would trump up charges and otherwise find ways not to give the money back. At least this way, I would get to use the security as rent payments.

So, after a cooling off period, the wife of the landlord pair started playing nice all of the sudden. She patched the hole in our kitchen and was cordial in her phone conversations.

The night before our scheduled eviction hearing, she comes over unannounced. She says that we'll get what we want, here's the deposit applied to rent, and that's that.

At this point, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was just a backroom deal that she would not even remotely agree to. This was her way of making us think we had come to a settlement, and that we didn't have a need to go to court. I mean, we came to an agreement (that was still fundamental flawed), but we had an agreement. Going to court would be a moot issue.

However, had we not gone to court, she would have gotten a default judgement against us. She would have filed the certification, and she would have gotten a judgement for possession. Had I been more naive, this would have been our fate. But, I knew her night before epiphany was just a play by her to get us into believing her. In court, she recanted all her previous statements saying this or that. She lied.

All I had to prove was we never got the 30 day notice. Her fate was sealed immediately after. At that point, all that was left was to see how much was owed or not. Let's call it a wash, and rent is paid up until November.

Let's just say that what little respect I had for her is null and void after this. Let's just say that she tries to paint herself as the patron Saint of whatever but the fact is she's a bitter, vindictive, bitch.

I'm sure she's gone to people's houses the day before and did the same thing she did to us. I am absolutely sure of it. In 2010, she had 2 evictions won by default. The day we went, she won another one by default. The perfect tenant for her is one that has no mouth and simply pays rent with no issues. When the house is falling apart, and the rent is overpriced, it's ridiculous to me not to stand and fight. I think most people get their eviction notice and run, thinking that this is the judgement. It's not. 9/10 if a landlord doesn't have an attorney, then I doubt they have a grasp on landlord/tenant law.

It felt good to stand up to her. It really did.

Remembrances

Cancer is a word I detest. It's a simple two syllable word that destroys families and ruins a quality of life. Cancer has affected me so deeply in the past few years. I hate this disease...this horrible and nearly indescribable feeling of hopelessness that goes into even thinking about the word.

It's been two years since cancer has taken its first person from me. On October 18th, 2009, my Mom passed away after a brief battle with cancer. By time the cancer was diagnosed, it was Stage 4 that had metastasized to her liver. It's in hindsight and my own personal research that I know more about cancer now. But, two years ago, before cancer had touched me with its steely, cold fingers, I didn't know much of anything about what cancer was and just how horrible it really is.

It's still weird to me that cells mutating can cause that much issues within a body that overall is doing well. It's just such a strange thing to me.

Anyway, the way I thought things went before was you were diagnosed, and you got treatments. I didn't know what stages were or what metastasized meant. Now, I know all too well. And, quite frankly, it's hell. Whether you're stage 4 or stage 2 or whatever. Seeing a love one going through the treatments, or worse, the effects of cancer tears you apart. There is no other way to describe the psychological toll that cancer wrecks upon your very soul.

About a year after my Mom had passed away, Marion, my fiancee, was diagnosed with Stage IIIB Cervical Cancer. I can not even tell you how we both felt the day a complete stranger (not even Marion's regular Doctor) came in his white lab coat and laid probably the worst news I'll ever hear in my life. Still suffering from the wounds of my Mom's passing from cancer, and then to have this thrown at us...it just ripped out my soul.

I am happy to say that Marion has done very well in her treatments. The cancer is seemingly in remission (although Doctors haven't exactly said so). Her pap smears are fine. The tumor has pretty much gone away. That's remarkable because it was the size of a softball from what I was told. Damage to healthy tissues is limited. Overall, she's done so well. And, she was a champ the entire time. Sure, there were bad days...but, the good far outweighed the bad.

While we were getting this bit of good news, my cousin Ron was sadly losing his battle to cancer. I've written a great deal about him on this blog, but allow me to say, it just shows that cancer is a terrible, terrible thing. I hate seeing anyone suffer, and I'm happy he is in a better place now. He fought a valiant fight.

So, I hate cancer. I hate it with as much as I can. It's not fair to anyone.

I hope for the best.

I dedicate the song below to those who are fighting against cancer, and sadly, to those who have lost. I love you, Mom.