Remembrances

Cancer is a word I detest. It's a simple two syllable word that destroys families and ruins a quality of life. Cancer has affected me so deeply in the past few years. I hate this disease...this horrible and nearly indescribable feeling of hopelessness that goes into even thinking about the word.

It's been two years since cancer has taken its first person from me. On October 18th, 2009, my Mom passed away after a brief battle with cancer. By time the cancer was diagnosed, it was Stage 4 that had metastasized to her liver. It's in hindsight and my own personal research that I know more about cancer now. But, two years ago, before cancer had touched me with its steely, cold fingers, I didn't know much of anything about what cancer was and just how horrible it really is.

It's still weird to me that cells mutating can cause that much issues within a body that overall is doing well. It's just such a strange thing to me.

Anyway, the way I thought things went before was you were diagnosed, and you got treatments. I didn't know what stages were or what metastasized meant. Now, I know all too well. And, quite frankly, it's hell. Whether you're stage 4 or stage 2 or whatever. Seeing a love one going through the treatments, or worse, the effects of cancer tears you apart. There is no other way to describe the psychological toll that cancer wrecks upon your very soul.

About a year after my Mom had passed away, Marion, my fiancee, was diagnosed with Stage IIIB Cervical Cancer. I can not even tell you how we both felt the day a complete stranger (not even Marion's regular Doctor) came in his white lab coat and laid probably the worst news I'll ever hear in my life. Still suffering from the wounds of my Mom's passing from cancer, and then to have this thrown at us...it just ripped out my soul.

I am happy to say that Marion has done very well in her treatments. The cancer is seemingly in remission (although Doctors haven't exactly said so). Her pap smears are fine. The tumor has pretty much gone away. That's remarkable because it was the size of a softball from what I was told. Damage to healthy tissues is limited. Overall, she's done so well. And, she was a champ the entire time. Sure, there were bad days...but, the good far outweighed the bad.

While we were getting this bit of good news, my cousin Ron was sadly losing his battle to cancer. I've written a great deal about him on this blog, but allow me to say, it just shows that cancer is a terrible, terrible thing. I hate seeing anyone suffer, and I'm happy he is in a better place now. He fought a valiant fight.

So, I hate cancer. I hate it with as much as I can. It's not fair to anyone.

I hope for the best.

I dedicate the song below to those who are fighting against cancer, and sadly, to those who have lost. I love you, Mom.