Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler)

It's been a strange few days to say the least. Not really strange in a literal aliens have landed sense, just I've been feeling a bit off lately. I feel run down and stressed and just kind of shitty. I really haven't been sleeping well. I'm not eating all that well either. Well, today I ate pretty well, but it was all processed crap that isn't good for me and left me hungry after a few hours. I don't know if I've been getting sympathy pains or something, but when Marion feels sick, I get nauseous too. It's weird to think we'd be that connected or whatever, but it seemingly happens.

We met with the Radiation Oncologist today and he explained how the internal radiation will play out---how the process works. It takes a longer amount of time because they are all sorts of calculations to do. They pretty much said expect to be at the hospital for half the day when she gets the internal radiation. Now, this is already after enduring daily radiation for five weeks and chemotherapy which while is only once a week, it takes 6 hours to do. It's just a lot to deal with. And, frankly, you don't even know if anything is working because you're still in treatment so while the tumor may be shrinking it always shrinks initially so don't be too excited about results (pardon the run on of it was).

My mind tries to just shut down from all this. I just want to vegetate and listen to music or something. I listened to Lady Gaga's "Fame" and "Fame Monster" LP and EP respectively. I have a friend who is really into Gaga, so I figured I'd give it a try and listen to it. I wish I could say I liked it, but today's music just ain't my bag. If someone wanted me to describe Lady Gaga to them, I'd say it sounded like Phil Spector throwing up on a Blondie record. I'm pretty sure that would be the most accurate description I could give.

And, the thing that gets me is there is some true talent under all that image. She's like the opposite of recent YouTube starlet Rebecca Black. While Rebecca Black has probably a limited range of talent (it's hard to tell from the brief performance on Jay Leno), there is nothing underneath. Sure, she may be a sweet kid, and her parents had $2,000 lying around for their daughter to make a video, but she is exactly that---a sweet, normal everyday kid with mediocre talent.

What Gaga is beneath it all is a true talent. She has a great voice, no doubt. She has some fine musicianship skills as evidenced in her earlier EP "Red and Blue" and her single "Speechless". While I don't think her lyrical writing is anything to get excited about, her earlier career showed glimpses of some good writing (and "Speechless" as well).


It just bothers me she made this entire image which is so transparent and devoid of any substance. I really hate synthesizers. Nearly every Gaga song features an endless parade of multilayered and repetitive synth melodic hooks. It's just not my scene, man. I like a story to be told. I like something there...a reason to listen. One song Lady Gaga sings about her phone going off in a club and she can't answer it because she has a drink in her hand or some crap. I mean, how can I relate to that? How does this offer me a fresh perspective on life? It doesn't because it lacks any type of commentary on anything. It lacks any type of substance. It exists simply to dance to...which isn't really a bad thing. But, it boggles my mind that it's as popular as it is. I really just wish she would ditch this image, this shallow visage, and became Stefani again.

Well, enough about Gaga.

(It's just my opinion anyway)

But, yeah...I try to distract myself from thinking about all this stuff going on. It's just too much to think about. It's an overwhelming thing...this cancer. Maybe I should be thankful that Gaga allowed me to mindlessly listen to songs about telephones and some dude named Alejandro. Frankly, for a hour and half...thanks to Gaga...that's all I was actively thinking about. In that respect, I guess that's not such a bad thing.