Coping

It's been a little while since Marion's been released from the hospital, and I've had some time to reflect on things. I love her so much, and I think it's a shame that it takes stuff like this to realize just how much you do appreciate and love someone and all they do. It's always easy to think there's a tomorrow, and that all the things you want to do you'll have a chance to do them. The thing is life likes to throw curveballs at you from time to time. Sometimes you can swing and hit a homerun. But, sometimes you swing and miss.

Cancer at any stage is devastating, I think. Facing the possibility of Stage II or III cancer is an awful feeling. I'm hoping for the best, and within the week we'll know for sure. But, what Marion needs right now is a treatment plan, not another trip to the hospital to stabilize her. She needs a prognosis and something to hope for. She needs a goal to reach for.

I hate coddling her because I know she's capable of doing things...or she was. I don't mind doing things for her at all. I cooked, washed the dishes, and went to the store today. I just love her and want her to get better. I don't think laying in bed all the time or shuffling to the kitchen is good for anyone's psyche. If you have everyone doing everything for you, you start to believe that you can't do anything. Hence, that's the issue here. While I firmly believe that she is able to do things, I can not risk her starting to bleed again.

It was a close call, I guess. After I left the hospital, her blood pressure like 60/40...which is close to coma or worse. Thank God for the staff at the hospital. Her hemoglobin count was as low as 6.5 which is classified as critical. I think it's just hitting me now just how bad things were. You kind of just go around in a daze just trying to do things because you want to stay busy and you don't want to think of the horrible shit you've just gone through. I think that's human nature in a way.

Everytime she goes to the bathroom, I'm there making sure there's no blood. So far, it's been okay. There hasn't been so much as a drop. Friday we'll be getting her checked out at the Cooper Cancer Institute, and I hope that the treatments start soon thereafter.

I love her...