Pisces Fish

"Because I'm a Pisces fish and the river runs through my soul..."

I;ve been getting into George Harrison's music a lot more over the course of the past year or so. I think I really got into his music around the time of my Mom's passing. I always admired George's philosophies, and moreso how he carried himself. As part of the most influential band in the history of rock music, the way he secluded himself from the world and became a more spiritual man rather than grasping onto the spotlight...well, it always made me like the guy more.

I'll admit, I do like seeing Paul McCartney perform, but he'll never retire. I think he still puts out some quality music, but maybe he should just fade away rather than grasp at what's left of his fame. Well, as long as he doesn't do another "Ebony and Ivory", I think I can deal with Paul sticking around for the time being.

But, getting back to George, he was always the quiet one. While John was doing "bagism", George stood back quietly and let his music do his talking. And, it is through his music that you can feel comfort.

His 3 LP magnum opus, "All Things Must Pass" is such an inspiration. After the Beatles broke up, he was left with a wealth of material that the Fab Four passed over in favor of other tracks. Nearly every song on the album is either about love or looking outward to a higher power or trying to understand your place in the world. To me, life is a journey where you try and figure it all out. You need to know why you're here and what it is that you are trying to accomplish. To think of life as a sad, lonely journey toward death is so nihilistic. There has to be a meaning behind the struggles we endure. There needs to be a reason for the strife. There has to be a reason for the joy and the happiness. If there is not, then why are we here?

It's this internal struggle that dominates my thoughts. There was a time in my life when there was no question in my mind that God was real. If you questioned my faith, I would undeniably say that God was in control of all things. I would tell you that there is a plan that he has for us all. I would have told you that there is a mansion awaiting us on a street paved with gold.

But, after life has beaten you down through no fault of your own, and you see the world...this tepid cesspool for what it is, how can you be so sure that God is in control of all things? Why would God allow my Mom to suffer for the final month of her life when she steadfastly loved Him and dedicated her life to Him> Why would God make anyone suffer? If God is in control of all things, then why in the hell do people get caught in the crossfire of gang wars? Why do people suffer with AIDS, cancer, or any other number of diseases? Why do people lose loved ones long before their time?

I can not offer any answers to these questions because I don't know, and I never will. I often lie awake wondering why it all matters? Why all these struggles of just trying to get by in life. I've never harmed anyone in my life. I haven't robbed anyone...I don't make it a habit to lie...I certainly haven't killed anyone. By all accounts, I'm a pretty damn good guy...but, when my last breath is drawn, what the hell did any of it mean?

Which (kind of) brings me back to George Harrison and why I fell into his music and his philosophies. He spent his life in private and through his music trying to figure out just what this life was all about. Here was a guy who made millions by his 30's, and he was still doing music. It was through this music that he questioned not only his existence, but all of ours. He wanted to find out the answer...and maybe now that he's passed on he has found the answers.

Life has to mean more than just simply gliding by and biding your time until death comes to your door. This...it just has to mean something. If not, then why in the hell are we here anyway?