"Tide goes in, tide goes out. There's no miscommunication."

Maybe life should be as simplistic for me as it is for Bill O'Reilly. It's such a child like innocence of the world and how the it works. I think O'Reilly is just enjoying his extra five or so minutes in the spotlight as Glen Beck has been sucking away most of his ratings for the past year or so.



Anyway, things around here have been kind of quiet. That's a pretty good thing. Marion called it her week off from the Doctors. I think we both kind of needed that. For the past month Marion has been subjected to multiple pelvic exams, batteries of tests, emotional stress, Social Security interviews, and more.

This coming week will be back into the grind as she gets a MRI done followed by some blood work. Then, she gets an X-ray (I think). She wraps up next week with an appointment with her gy oncologist so he can set up the chemotherapy to run concurrent with the radiation. Her radiation starts on the 21st. It will be a 5 day a week, 5 week regimen.

I just don't have the words to express how I feel. Words fail me at this juncture. I've been through all the "Why me?" phase. I've bargained with God. I tried not to accept this; I'd rather deny this than accept it. But, the harsh reality is it has happened to Marion. Nothing I do will change that. Whether I accept it or cry or get angry with whoever, the fact remains that Marion has cancer. The cold reality is that life has changed, not for the better, but it changed.

I'd like to go back in time, but that's just a dreamer's prayer. I wish I had done things differently ever once in a while. But, really, what's the point in reminiscing on times that have passed through the etches of time?

Probably the biggest thing that bothers me is that I took Marion for granted most of our 15 years together. I think most couples do take their partners for granted when we should cherish them and all that they do. It's just that you never expect life to just kick you in the balls, and then kick you while you wince in pain. I never thought that I would be going through this in my 30's. It just seems so unfair, but there's so many other people out there that for through this...they may be younger or older. I know that this journey is not an unique one. It's a story that many people have either witnessed, been through, or have heard. But, it's unique to me. It's sadly my story no matter how much I don't want it to be. I've accepted that much no matter how much I'd rather live in ignorance and personal deceit.

I just wish life was as simple as the mantra of "tide goes in, tide goes out."